The Chewbacca Defense

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Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! jan pi kulupu sona o, jan toki pi jan Chef li wile kin e ni: sina sona e ni: tenpo pini la jan Chef li pali e kalama musi "Stinky Britches." toki ona li wawa. a! mi pilin ike tawa jan Chef! People of the informed group [henceforth "jury"], the speaker of Chef really wants this: You know this: In the past Chef made the tune "Stinky Britches." His speech was powerful. O! I feel bad for Chef!
But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! taso jan pi kulupu sona ni o, mi wile e ni: sina sona e ijo wan pi nanpa pini. jan pi kulupu sona o, ni li jan Supaka. jan Supaka li pi kulupu Waki lon ma Kese. taso tomo pi jan Supaka li lon ma Ento. o pilin e ni. ni li nasa! jan Waki li suli mute. tomo ona li lon ma Ento tan seme? jan Iwa li lili mute. ni li nasa! But people of the jury, I want this: You know one final thing. People of the jury, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is of the Wookie tribe on Kashyyk. But the home of Chewbacca is on Endor. Consider that. That's crazy! Wookies are very big. His house is on Endor why? Ewoks are very little. That's crazy!
But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! taso o sona e ni: ni li suli ala suli tawa toki utala ni? suli ala! jan pona o, ona li lili tawa toki utala ni! ona li nasa! But know this: Is this important to this debate? No! Good people, it is irrelevant to this debate! It's crazy!
Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! o lukin e mi. mi jan toki. mi pali tawa kulupu esun pi kalama musi. taso mi pana e sona pi jan Supaka. ni li nasa, anu seme? jan pona o, toki mi li nasa. ali li nasa! Look at me. I'm a speaker. I work for a business group involving music. But I'm teaching about Chewbacca. That's crazy, or what? Good people, my speech is crazy. Everything is crazy!
And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! o sona e ni: sina lon tomo sona li toki li ante e toki Emancipation Proclamation. ... ona li pona ala pona? pona ala! jan pi kulupu sona o, ona li nasa! Know this: When you are in the wise-room, talking, and changing the Emancipation Proclamation ... Is it good? No! People of the jury, it's crazy!
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests. tomo pi jan Supaka li lon ma Ento la kulupu esun mi li pona! mi pini toki. If the home of Chewbacca is on Endor, my business group is good! I'm done speaking.